You can keep the lights on...

…I told The Bike Guy as I slipped off my clothes, bra, and underwear.

I didn't use to be this comfortable being naked in front of my partner.

No. This is NOT a weight loss success story.

It's a body image story in progress.

At the height of my disordered eating days, I had plenty of body shame.

I told myself, "Your thighs are too thick. Your stomach is too soft and round. And your boobs are too small."​
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What story do you tell yourself about your body image, Reader,

That story is usually based on how you think other people see your body.

Your body image story is also based on years of internalized messages about beauty, health, and self-worth.

It doesn't matter if the messages were direct or indirect to you.

If they came from friends, family, teachers, coaches, doctors, or the media.

Those internalized messages became the language you use in self-talk and talking with friends about your body.

Which means healing your body image is an inside job.
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With a few new skills, you can turn negative body image talk into compassionate curiosity.

Not only for your own body. For every body around you!
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Let's go!
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In the Midlife Feast Community this month, we're doing a book club with "Body Image Inside Out: A Revolutionary Approach to Body Image Healing," by Deb Schachter, MSW, and Whitney Otto, MA, PCC. ​
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Have you read it? I'm loving it so far...

​You can order a copy here from Bookshop.org
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According to Deb and Whitney, we can reframe our "bad body image moments" (BBIMs) with 3 steps: mindfulness, curiosity, and compassion.​
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Mindfulness is noticing what's happening in the moment and what sensations you feel in your body.
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Curiosity is observing those sensations and thoughts racing through your head without reaction. It's the pause.
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Compassion is the response to your thoughts and body sensations based on the reality of your situation instead of assumptions or judgments.
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In their words, "mindful awareness opens the door, curiosity invites us in, and compassion helps us connect with ourselves." Nice! Read that again...

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Let's try it out.

Recently, I feel fluffy, softer, and rounder, with recent weight gain. It could be related to being 45, my winter cookie fetish, and using chocolate to deal with stressful changes at work.

The negative body image rant I hear is,

"Enough with the cookies and chocolate! Your pants are tighter. At this rate, you won't be able to wear the cropped cycling tights you just bought, and The Bike Guy won't like your body anymore!"​
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Here's the mindful, curious, compassionate response.

"I notice changes in my body over the past few months. They could be related to hormone fluctuations, stress, poor quality sleep, or all of the above."

"I do my best to cope with life being lifey. I can reflect on how eating cookies and chocolate makes me feel. Having cookies with a friend after dinner helps me feel connected to something other than work stress. I'm not a coffee drinker, but chocolate helps my brain function with less fatigue and brain fog after a restless night of sleep. Are there other coping tools I can reach for? Yes. But the cookies and chocolate are easily accessible. I know I can choose other coping tools at any time."

Your turn!

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Think of a BBIM you had recently. What negative body image thoughts ran through your head?

Then answer these reflection questions:

• What sensations did you feel in your body in that scenario? What critical thoughts came up?
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• What else was happening in your life that made it difficult to connect to your body's needs?
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• Based on the reality of the situation (not assumptions), reframe the critical body image thought with mindfulness, curiosity, and compassion. How can you care for your body the next time you have a BBIM?

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Which step is the easiest for you? Mindfulness, curiosity, or compassion? Which step is the biggest challenge?

Hit reply! I love hearing from you

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Until next week, keep savoring food and your body, even when negative body image creeps in. You've got this!

Amanda

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PS: What story do you tell yourself about your body image? It's usually based on how you think other people see your body. Your body image story is also based on years of internalized messages about beauty, health, and self-worth. Scroll up for 3 steps to reframe negative body image thoughts before they ruin your day, week, month, season!